At home for the morning, trying to get through my immense to do list. Unfortunately going around the house doing things just keeps adding more things to the list.
I've stolen ticky bug's blackboard to write the actual list on, he retaliated by scribbling all over it but then lost interest after item 3; ball pit; was instigated. So now he's happily throwing balls at walls and sand and the neighbours and other balls, and I am upstairs putting away washing.
I'm maintaining a mental list currently since the actual list is too far away. This is a good system right until you overload with too many items and your entire brain collapses. Current list:
Which looking at seems to be one of those 'which of these things doesn't fit' puzzles, but really it all fits because MY BRAIN.
Also I really really want a Zoot Suit.
Need to add invite people to Halloween to the list. If you can read this, you're invited! We'll be watching The Thing and harassing our neighbours carrying plastic weaponry. Kids toys are awesome. I have a morningstar.
Just slept for 12 hours straight. Now that is what I call an exciting night.
I read a book once that mentioned an experiment that a guy had thought up that would be pretty easy to do, but he'd never done. It was like his life's work, and he couldn't bear to actually do it and find out whether or not his theory was true.
He wanted to raise homing pigeons on a moored boat, and teach them all the usual homing pigeon stuff until they were a perfectly trained crew who always came home to their boat.
Then one day he'd send them out with their messages, and he'd cast off.
Would the pigeons find their home to be the boat, or the land where the boat used to be.
I wonder if he ever did it. I've always wanted to know.
One of my oldest friends is having a baby next year, and doesn't plan on finding out if it will be a boy or a girl.
It's a pretty fascinating story, I saw her post on facebook saying 'thank-you to the best grandparents ever for help with the obtaining-birth permit!'. *blinkblink*. Something I'd never come across before - turns out my good friend had moved from England and was now in China.
So at 10 weeks pregnant, she has permission to give birth, which must be a relief =) And I decided the best unisex present to send her is the best book ever:
Perfect for boys and girls and much more sensible than sending clothes from Australia back to China where they were made in the first place.
At some stage I'm sure I'll actually make it to the post office to post it. I dread the post office on days where I need to buy packaging when I get there - Bug is a freaking menace in post offices. You end up balancing on one leg, resting on the table writing an address with the other leg wrapped firmly around your struggling child who attempts to make a break for the door at every opportunity.
And since you haven't bought the packaging yet, when he does manage to get to the door, you have to drop everything and leave all your stuff undefended as you pelt down the street and he cackles gleefully. The little buggers get faster every day.
Maybe I'll go to the post office on a day that's not today.
I was reading the TED conversation based off this talk
And while the conversation is based around Sarah's mention of 'Things I Know To Be True', the thing that resonated with me more than lists was the concept of working through an issue using a poem.
I don't write poetry, or put many words on paper that aren't letters to friends anymore. But I have pressure building in my head, ideas that need a place to escape to while they're still mine.
Ideas start as bubbles, floating and catching the light in that iridescent way bubbles have - they're potential in its most brilliant, gorgeous form. But if you don't let them free to float off, they turn into angry bubbles. They take up the same amount of bubble space in your head that they did before, but now they're crowded, all crammed into a head that's too small to hold them all at once.
They stop floating. They start getting grimy and distorted, and instead of making you happy to see them they start to hold an insubstantial, intangible weight. The pressure of the nothingness inside your head, as empty of form and substance as a bubble, starts to press against the inside of your head and weigh you down until you can't sleep.
Sleep is the time for dreaming, and making new ideas. Can't sleep if there's no space left for new dreams to grow.
So I'm having trouble sleeping, and I thought what the hell. These things are meant to be making me happy. Let's let them go.
Bug slept for three hours straight! I am so happy!
I've been reading up on ancient Egypt. It seems to have thrived because of the Nile - perfect crop conditions. It's a potent reminder with all the weather going haywire that underneath the technogizardry world we play in is the world we need, with crops and rain and seasons.
I'm going to plant bug a garden. He needs to know this stuff, and I need to learn it properly. Mostly because 'crops and rain and seasons' are three things palpably lacking in most of Australia.
We got lots of desert though. Check.
If I ever get rich I'm going to take him on a field trip to that place which is storing one of every kind of seed on the planet. That place sounds really cool.
And then I will build an oil rig in international waters and have my own pirate lair.
Today I spent $50 on teething products. And $10 on alcohol.
Hallelujah, my baby is asleep.
It says "Intervention Services".
I could use some more intervention.
Today has been an awful day.
Actually, today wasn't a bad day at all, but I am sitting here thinking bad thoughts and turning the whole day into a write offable fail.
Today has been a better day outside of my head than in it.
We went away for a week to Nelson and went fishing and ticky bug saw the beach for the first time and caught pippies and got wet and it was fantastic. He also got sand down his nappy and had a nice warm bath afterwards which made it all better.
We caught fish and put them in a big bucket and gave him a sieve so he could catch fish out of it. He giggled so much it was a gurgle. Then we let the fish go and he almost went in after them. He's a quick little sucker.
Also got to catch up with one of my favourite friends who gives fantastic hugs and met her partner for the first time who is a really nice guy, so that was awesome and all in all the best week I've had for a long time. Oh, and I got to sleep in! Bug's Nana took the early morning shift. I have bought her a thank you book *grins* She well deserves it.
Alas, my fantastic week was supremely unproductive in terms of working on my Quest.
And possibly the reason for my being depressed today is that the three days I've been back haven't been any more productive. There've been a lot of REASONS, but that doesn't fix it. I wouldn't undo any of the things I've done, but I wish I had more mental strength to focus and stick to making the changes I want to.
So fingers crossed tomorrow will bug will be feeling better and ...
Hunh. I wrote "go to the University and meet up with the History Professor" and then remembered that tomorrow is Wednesday when my sister has the day off work and we usually catch up for a coffee. I was thinking, 'hey, I could do coffee in the morning and then go shopping and buy some shoes for the wedding and play soccer in the park in the afternoon' and realized MY GOD THIS IS WHY THINGS DON'T GET BETTER.
I guess you have to give up some good things that are like a comfy old pair of shoes in order to move your life forwards.
So, tomorrow. Meet Professor.
Cross your fingers for my willpower, y'all.
The World, as it happens, is the last card in the Quest Cycle of the Major Arcana. Starting at the end seems kind of silly, but I'm trying to be philosophical about it. It's sort of like starting the book by reading the back pages and deciding if the plot twist is good enough to make you go back and read the whole thing. You know the butler did it the whole time!
It also means that the last card in MY version of the quest will be Judgement, which is good I think. One of the most important parts of being a grown up is being able to stand up in the face of your own judgement and accept yourself for who you are. Hopefully by the time I'm done I can do that, and be happy with me.
(I'm pretty happy with me now, some days, and other days I would consider selling myself on the black market as spare parts which are worth much more than the whole who doesn't want to get out of bed anyway). (Side side note: I had to fill in a Centrelink form the other day to confirm I should continue getting my government single parent pension - it asked the value I would get for reselling all my possessions. The net total is about $300 headdeskingly enough. I eyed up the Bug as I was filling it in. He would go for at least $100 grand as spare parts.)
(I didn't write this on the form).
So Bug and I went on an expedition to the library this morning to look for books on World History. As we were about to leave I noticed he'd taken off one of his socks, and looked around for 10 minutes before giving up and letting him roam the streets barefoot which was no doubt his intention the whole time. Things get misplaced a lot further now he can walk.
The local library has a pretty lame history section, but I found what I was looking for - a compendium overview of human history, with nice big pictures and not too much pesky writing that they tend to fill up books with.
I'm planning on getting some of the Mums from the area together to work on a sewing and crafts group, using play activities to teach the wee ones some fun history lessons. And at the same time, I'm hoping to fill in my mental gaps - I know lots of bits of history, but have no idea where it all slots together.
If you're interested in history, one of the coolest things ever is this:
So that's the current mission: Find mums! Learn history! Do crafts! Yay!
Also his sock was in the bathtub.
I'm guessing one of my friends finally got sick of me having lots of plans and ideas and never following through on any of them.
About a month ago I found a parcel outside my glass sliding door, which is behind a padlocked gate I might add. On top of it was an gorgeous, slightly thorny perfect white rose, and a business card.
If I ever get around to buying a camera I'll post up a picture of the card, but for now I'm waiting til I travel overseas so I can get one duty free. The card says "Prince Charming Intervention Services" on the front, and on the back reads "When you finish your Quest, we have a job for you".
Intriguing ambiguousness. My favourite way to start a morning.
So I opened the package, while ticky bug went toddling around the courtyard and thankfully did not try to pick up and eat my thorny rose. Inside it was a set of Tarot cards, or half a set really. Just the Major Arcana, which are the 22 cards that have really symbolic archetypal images on them of Hermits and Magicians and Emperors. They're numbered in order from one to twenty-one, with an extra card called The Fool which has no number at all.
I used to read Tarot cards for fun back in highschool, about the same time I learned to read palms and write swirly calligraphy. (They were very teenagey years. I give thanks that I can look back on pseudo-Witchcraft rather than Emo Vampires).
There is actually a Quest of sorts in them, although not a very specific one. You follow the cards in order and learn the lessons each card is meant to signify. Presumably when you've learned a lesson sufficiently you can move onto the next card. What I'm actually meant to *do* to accomplish these lessons has been left up to my imagination, apparently, because I scoured the package and didn't find anything. Possibly there is some sort of clue written in lemon juice on the Intervention Services card but it's too late at night to be finding something flammable.
Anyway, I have so far failed to find out who sent it (I did accuse my most likely suspect, who claimed innocence but thought it was a brilliant idea and said if it DID actually get me to shift off my lazy ass she would buy whoever did it a drink).
So in the absence of further direction, I have been contemplating it for a while now and am ready to meander off on my Heroes Quest.
Presuming I am meant to be a Hero. Given the subtext I may be expected to be Cinderella. Or possibly a Fairy Godmother. (Or a pumpkin. If it turns out to be pumpkin, I will let you know).
The first card I pulled out was The World. I look forward to keeping y'all informed of how my efforts to become a real-life crazy person on a quest goes. And if the person who sent me these cards is reading this, be aware that I have eagle eyes and will be scouring the neighbourhood looking for telltale rosebushes and when I find you I will embark on a scheme so ridiculously convoluted and devious, so gloriously machiavellian and magnificent, so utterly insidious that you will never ever guess it was me who prodded it all, because payback is a bitch.
(Unless you happened to read this. In which case, I am lying. I am an innocent fluffy duckling incapable of plotting the ploofiest plot. It was somebody else. Probably the mailman.)